Today I had to have further swift words with my postman as he was over 20 seconds late, time of which I had to remove from my 15-minute morning book reading session. I forgot, however, to add this time later in the day. The punishment for this crime must be quite severe as a mind that can forget cannot rule a perfect school. After careful consideration, I have decided that the punishment is to last 1 week. Firstly, I am to go without reading a chapter in my current book. Secondly, I must use my new cattle prod electrode twice a day as soon as it arrives.
My second point that I need to make is quite important as it concerns all other perfectionists like myself. It has come to my attention that my newly replaced In-Car electrodes sometimes do not perform to the correct standard specified in the manual. I have taken immediate action relating to this abysmal finding firstly by telephoning the manufacturers demanding a replacement. Secondly, I have written a letter to 'Perfectionists Monthly' which all other perfectionists subscribe to. I hope all other perfectionists take action and stop the sale of these unreliable and underwhelming torture items.
I am very glad to report that my journey to school today was uninterrupted, however, this was almost not so as a certain pupil whom I will not name stepped out in front of me yet moved away in time. I have made a note of this and if this happens again, I shall consider sending them home with a letter to their parents informing them about the need to maintain self-discipline and how it can be underpinned with the use of electrodes.
The most appalling matter of the day that I had to tend to was most distressing. I had to deal with THE DIRTY GIRL. Now she has NITS! The thought of these tiny, foul, disgusting obnoxious creatures crawling around on a person's head is despicably horrible. This was absolutely appalling but I must deal with all of my tasks.
I called her into my office through a perfect note to her form teacher. When she entered, I could see the NITS scurrying around on her untidy head. Whilst speaking to her I had to keep my distance otherwise I may have become INFECTED! The thought of these appalling things running around on my perfect head makes me shiver! I almost touched her head when I reached for my notebook so as soon as she left, I immediately left school, purchased the best medicated shampoo available, returned and washed my hair in the toilets. I repeated the washing several times before I was completely satisfied.
Due to the lack of diligence on my part I concluded there should be a punishment so I have decided that I must go in my Sit Down Torture Centre. This was the perfect chance to test my new film called "Smelly, Horrible and Dirty Children" which I appropriately named myself.
Alternative Styles |
|||||||