This morning I woke up to discover that my postman had been at least 10 seconds early as he was one house further than he should have been. I do not like things with 'ROYAL' in the title to be at all imperfect in any manner so I chased after to abuse him greatly and explain my philosophy. It was only after this event that I realised that I had forgotten to put my perfectly matching garments on for the day so consequently all I was wearing was my bra and knickers with parts of my bed electrodes still attached. I became so deeply embarrassed that I ran into my perfect house tripping over the left of my perfectly symmetrical garden gnomes which was very very very DISTRESSING indeed! This event was so shocking that I thought that only common people could do such a thing. As such, no similar event is in my own punishment guide therefore I concluded that it deserved a session on every electrode I own.
I later reconsidered this and in the interest of saving time I decided to go on all of my electrodes simultaneously rather than separately.
It took 15 minutes to hook myself up to my briefcase, banister, bed, bath and as well as sitting in my Sit Down Torture Centre and those main electrodes also. All of these torture items were set to the highest possible setting. I flicked the switch but nothing happened! I was in disbelief that none of my torture items worked at all! This event led to further distressing actions as I took them all outside and burned the lot!
I later discovered it was not the fault of any of my electrodes, rather the punishment required had tripped one of the safety fuses!
This means that I have destroyed thousands of pounds of innocently brilliant torture equipment for no reason at all, therefore, I am now going to have replace it all with haste. This now leaves me with just my emergency set of mains electrodes. In order to pay for the replacements, I am going to have to request and mark even more test papers and I will expand this task to foreign countries.
When I arrived at school my day was worsened by my having to deal with THE DIRTY GIRL!!!
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