When I woke up this morning I was still very distressed about the events of the 14th March 1996. This was so much so that I had to have three bursts on my emergency set of mains electrodes because after the first two I still did not feel up to the day.
I carried out my duties perfectly up until when I had to bleach the interior of my car where I accidentally fell out of the car door revealing my knickers to the whole of the neighbourhood which is quite utterly peasantry and I still do not believe that I could do such a thing.
I became so disgusted with myself that I immediately went and purchased a new set of Foil-to-Spark underwear then promptly returned home with the intention of disciplining myself. This did not happen according to plan.
After donning the devices, I turned them on and gradually turned up the power. As I nearly got to full power, my knickers caught light with an approximately 9 inch flame which then set light to my bra!!! I panicked severely and ran outside into my perfectly ethical garden where I tried further to put out the flames unsuccessfully.
By this time there was not much left but the foil and a small amount of material so I took the last resort and jumped into my perfectly round pond. As soon as the flames were out, I removed myself and ran into my perfect house nearly naked with filthy pond water all over my body - which may have potentially been seen by some of the prying neighbours.
I became so distressed that I yet again plugged myself up to my emergency set of mains electrodes where I punished myself sufficiently.
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